Found on Pinterest

If anyone has ever suffered from anxiety they understand that while it can be explained, it often doesn't make sense. It can run rampant if you're not careful, or it can be totally kept at bay. Sometimes this is determined by how much sleep you get, or how much emotional stress you're under, or your level of exercise... Or sometimes it just happens. What I do know is, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Some people's anxiety manifests as panic attacks, others as nausea, and even others as hives or other symptoms. It's funny that us anxiety sufferers are more common than people think, yet we never talk about it for fear of being looked at as "unfit" people.

Anxiety is one of the biggest mental disorders in the country, yet I feel like calling it a disorder gives it a stigma that doesn't need to be there. Even people who don't suffer from chronic anxiety still get anxious. It's a human condition. Our body naturally responds to fear, and anxiety is your body's response to some sort of fear, even if it's not necessary to be afraid at the time. If so many people have it, why is it then a disorder?

It could be called a disorder because it involves negative consequences.  Some people are so anxious about some things they become phobic, and a phobia can cause severe problems if not watched and worked on. Thankfully, my anxiety just manifests in times of turmoil in my life. I went from age 12 to age 25 before I actually worked on it and figured out how to control it and beat it. My anxiety manifests as nausea and is controlled by regular exercise, healthy sleep, and eating. Occasionally, too, I take an herbal supplement from Good Earth stores. If I'm extremely stressed I can get a mild-moderate anxious feeling for days or weeks on end, and my appetite totally disappears. During this time I also get excessively irritable and tired. If I get overwhelmed enough, I actually get physically sick, and have to put a stop to it before it gets really bad.

So, while I'm dealing with hardships, I often deal with more than I really need to. Not only do I have to cope with whatever hardship is there, I have to figure out how to keep my health intact, and this is not an easy feat when you naturally create anxious feelings inside of yourself. This past year has not been a good one. I was taking a birth control pill that ramped up my anxiety pretty badly, and I was pretty sick for most of the winter/spring. Not to mention what finding out my mom has cancer, and watching her suffer has done, and a busier year at work than I've ever had before.

I've realized that I've been excessively tired and really grouchy for the past month now, and am sad to admit, that I'm suffering anxiety symptoms again. I think all we can do in times of hardship is remember it's ok to have a hard time. It's ok to be sad and to struggle, if we didn't, it wouldn't be a hardship, and there would be no life lesson's learned.  The more patience we have with ourselves in times of struggle, the quicker we get through them. I've learned that the more I become upset with myself for not handling things as perfectly as others seem to, or for not being as strong as I thought I should have been, it becomes harder to handle things in general. If I take a deep breath, relax and say, "It's ok to be stressed and struggling when you have a full load to carry", I become peaceful and more able to handle the hardships and blows as they come.

So embrace the anxiety within you, and say, "I'm capable, and able to get through this. It's ok that right now I don't feel awesome." At age 26, I learned that something as simple as that can change your life permanently and give you strength you didn't have before.

And at age 29, I'm realizing that was the best thing I ever did for my life.

I have an issue with the media lately... again. Or maybe I grew up.

Here's why:

Found this on HM.com

This girl is beautiful, and she probably has a killer, silly personality. But marketing and media don't let that show. Right now I don't want to be this girl, I want nothing to do with her. She looks timid, and unsure of herself, and I don't want to feel that way if I wear what she's wearing. Everywhere I go lately the models in catalogs and in advertisements look like they aren't real. If you want me to buy your products and wear your clothes, you have got to show me that doing so makes my life amazing.

What I want to see is a woman posed in an outfit as if she's in her regular life. I want to see her doing something mundane and looking fabulous in regular clothes. I will never wear stiletto heels  and a crop top to grocery shop, or get my mail. I work in an office, not a club. Can we please see real women doing real woman things?

I tried to find an advertisement that showed a realistic situation, that is really positive and the woman looks great. But I can't. You cannot feign confidence and happiness. You cannot fake love.

You can't fake this:

There seems to be an unspoken rule among women that you're not supposed to know you have a great body, or that you're skinny, or that you think you're pretty. It's like we're all supposed to join together and hate our bodies, but if someone compliments us on how we look thinner, we're supposed to feel AMAZING! It's weird. What if I know I'm skinny already?

I've been a twig my whole life. My mom has been a twig her whole life. My grandma has too. I come from a long line of twigs. Still don't believe me? Go look at my little brothers. One is 6'7" and is lean and hipster looking. (He has luscious shoulder length hair that accentuates his cheek bones. The girls at his high school must be piles of goo when he walks by.)

Here are a few of my favorite (read: annoying) things that have happened in relation to my weight:

I was emailed once through Facebook by a girl in my church. She had been suffering from bulimia, and was positive I was anorexic because I'm very thin. She told me if I ever wanted to talk to her about my eating disorder, she would be all ears because she understood. HAHAHA... thanks for the help, girlfriend.

A boy entering my apartment with his friends sees me walk into the room, "Whoa, do you eat... ever?"
No, I'm the only person alive who doesn't need food to survive. I'm a magical unicorn of sorts. Here, take a picture with me so you can tell all your friends!

A former boss said to me one day while in his office, "Hey, you look like a concentration camp victim." And then laughed. That one actually got to me. I went to lunch, called my mom and bawled. That is not a compliment sir, you said I look like a walking corpse. SO not a compliment.

The list of these goes on and on. I thought being skinny is what every girl wants? Why is it so weird to people then when they see someone thin?

The truth is, there's a lot of things that keep me skinny. When I'm emotionally stressed, I'm not hungry. So if I ever go through something hard, I drop 10-15 pounds over about 6 months. It usually takes me the following year or two to put those damn pounds back on, so I'm never happy about the weight I lost. The other truth is, my genetics are small-boned, tall, lean frames. Even when I do gain weight, I'm still a size 3.

I think it would be so much better if people really could accept everyone regardless of size. Larger people want to be accepted for their weight and shape. Why can't people accept tiny, skinny people?

Here's what's happening in my head now... I no longer care if I look skinny. There are outfits that I used to avoid because they elongated my figure or made me look flatter chested. There are hairstyles I avoided because they made my cheekbones more pronounced and you could see my long thin neck. I just don't care anymore. I am a twig-like female. I'm actually really grateful for this twiggy frame I've been given. It's come in handy if I ever needed to squeeze through a fence! It's also come in handy because it's healthy. I am a healthy, happy, human being, and I love myself more and more the older I get. I even embraced my natural dirty blond hair color this year. THAT is confidence, kids.

I'm not posting this to brag, or to say my life has been hard as a thin person. I'm just posting it because I don't care anymore what anyone thinks.

Hi, My name is Lana and I'm naturally skinny. I can eat carbs all day and not get fat.

And I like it.

But that's not all that defines me... in fact I prefer not to define myself by my size. I prefer to define myself by my talents and what I have to offer the world.

I like to spend time on the TED.com website every now and then. I chose to watch videos under the "courageous" section tonight and I found this.



I felt like sharing this because I have friends and family who are, or have been, in a relationship like this. Maybe not as violent, maybe more violent. I feel it is a very important subject that should never be taboo.

So... Why do women stay?

I have never been physically abused by a person who I was dating or related to. But, I have been emotionally abused. I used to say, "I would never stay if I was treated like that." But the truth is... I was, and the truth is, I stayed for 2 years. I have friends and family who have been physically beaten by the person that swore to love them.  I may have friends who are too wrapped up in "crazy love" to realize what is happening to them yet, or some that can't tell anyone yet but ache to be relieved of this burden.

One of my friends opened up to me a while ago about their violent marriage, and aside from being shocked because I knew them both fairly well, I felt like a terrible friend for never seeing any signs and helping them earlier. The truth is, this is more common than some of us think. And friends, if you need to talk to someone, you can talk to me. I will not judge you, or think you are weak. But I will listen and try to help you get out.

I, thankfully, got out and found that I was worthy of kind, good, loving men. My husband is strong, and can fight a good fight with the best of them, but he would NEVER abuse me in any way. I am so grateful to know that he is my protector, and that I am safe with him emotionally and physically. I hope that we can all find that.

Nobody deserves to be battered.

http://carlbakerlandscaper.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/wildflower-meadow.jpg

Tonight I feel very reflective, contemplative, inquisitive and explorative. I know, it's a lot. This happens on occasion. I've been thinking a lot about what makes each of us important, valuable, beautiful, and of great worth?

Is it our religious beliefs or lack thereof? Is it our talents, or lack thereof? Is it our ability to work hard, or not work at all? Is it having this hair style and these clothes, or not caring at all what anyone is wearing or who made what? Is it saying these things, or saying what you're not supposed to?

I think a lot about this lately, and I can only answer those questions this way... you are important because you are. You are valuable because you are.
You are.

I wonder often how my mom feels when she looks in the mirror and doesn't see the person she has known, but sees a new form of herself she never expected to see. Hairless, fatigued, and whatever else she feels. But that's not her... she is the strongest person I know and every time I see or think of her, I am reminded of what amazing stock I came from. Her life is what makes her, well, her. Your life is what makes you, well, you.

Sometimes it seems as if our world is designed to wreck us, but there are so many beautiful things out there that can keep that from happening. One of my favorite quotes that I've had since I was 16 (that wretched time of life when fitting in is all that seems to matter) was perfectly said by E. E. Cummings:

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you like everyone else, is the hardest battle you can fight--never stop fighting."

This couldn't be more relevant to me than it is now. I know this is the transcendentalist in me talking, but I don't see the point in being another way. People are all inherently good, some have just forgotten their value, or how to be the good that they were.  There are so many different types of people in this world, and when I stop and think about all the cultures, and appearances, and colors, and dialects... it all just makes me feel grateful. Grateful that I can be here with the opportunity to experience all of this beautiful diversity. We are all valuable because we were all created, every single one of us.

Who can really say whether art isn't art? Therefore, who can really say whether beauty isn't beauty or whether something isn't valuable?

Hey guys, it's me again. You know what's fun? Well, lots of things, but one thing in particular is that my husband today called me "a hard 10". He told me I'm the whole package. I think I shall carry this sweet little compliment around with me for days, maybe even weeks! Who am I kidding, it's a phenomenal compliment! If he were in an olympic competition for complimenting people, I'd give him the world record!

I'm definitely a words of affirmation type of person, and compliments like this really hang with me. Isn't that awesome? I'd say I'm the luckiest girl on the planet.

What a babe. I'm a lucky girl.

Hey everyone... I sometimes contribute to the Embodyed blog (you know the one about bodies and self -esteem... totally worth checking out) and the simplest post caught my eye.

The title was "You don't have to be pretty", and the only thing written in the body was "you knew that right?" and it linked to the following blog post about pretty.

You must read it. Men seem to get this. Women seem to feel their life must be the total opposite. If you read anything today, read this. (Click the highlighted text). I can't believe how perfectly written this post is. I feel like it is the truth. Everything else the media and world tell you is a lie.