Hi Friends and Family.

I have not been writing on my blog for over a week, because my heart has been heavy. Some have heard the news from our family, some have not. I feel it appropriate to share now what most of us have already heard.

On Thursday March 6, my parents went in for my mom's regular MRI. She'd been undergoing other treatments that had given her more time than we thought we'd have since last fall we were told she had roughly six months left. In November she had a 2nd brain surgery, which is what gave us six months more with her. Estimates of time are often just estimates, and people can die sooner, or live MUCH longer than doctors presume they will. It is often that we hear of someone beating the odds they were given. Sometimes it's will power, sometimes it's medicine working better than hoped, other times it's attitude. All of the time it's a miracle. So, here we are 5 months later. My mom is still here and we are loving every minute that we have with her.

March 6th rolls around, and she visits her doctor again. This time the brain scan showed an advancing tumor. My parents and doctors together decided that she would spend her last weeks, to possibly months, at home. The treatments are not working, and whatever they could do wouldn't really prolong things for her anymore. I kind of always knew this day would come. I made the awful mistake of googling her cancer when I was told the name of it a year ago. That was not a fun experience. I was at work, and had to rush to the bathroom after reading the statistics because I thought I would vomit.

I say this more easily now because I've had time to breathe, time to let it sink in. I'm not sure it ever really will, though. How do we ever let this sink in when we love someone so much? I don't think you can ever just say, "Thy will be done, Lord", and just go on your merry way without a care. I can accept God's will, but I don't love it. His will isn't always easy, in fact it's often extremely difficult. If it were easy, there would be no faith involved.

I spent the weekend, after my stepdad told us the news that she would return home to hospice care, in a fog. I somehow was blessed with an afternoon of peace, enough so to buy a new car because our car was falling apart, and we desperately needed to get this done. I know there were angels with me that day because I was supposed to be falling apart with sadness, yet I was excited and optimistic about purchasing a new car (which I ABSOLUTELY LOVE DRIVING). If there is an angel of anti-anxiety, a prozac angel, that is the one that was with me that day. Somehow I held it together through Friday at work, Saturday at the dealership, and Saturday night watching a movie with Justin.

I woke up at 5 am Sunday morning when Justin woke up to pee, and it felt like someone was sitting on my chest. I could not get comfortable and felt extremely off.  I had yet to cry, and I really didn't want to. I was afraid that if I let the flood gates open, all hell would come out with it. Like a Pandora's box of emotions. Justin came back to bed, and I told him I felt awful and couldn't sleep and explained the tightness in my chest, and the pit in my stomach. He told me I needed to cry, and that I'd been holding it in, but I needed to get it out. I told him I didn't want to. I really meant it. I wanted to be tougher than this, I wanted to not let it hurt me. But it was hurting me in a new way I'd never experienced before. My chest really felt constricted and it felt like my soul hurt. I don't know how to explain it other than that. My heart was breaking, in a way I'd never experienced. The worst way.

And then I took his advice. I just let it all out. We were there at 5 am in the dark on Sunday morning and I was just bawling. Tears were running down my cheeks into my hair and ears, soaking my pillow and the sheets below. I was angry at God for letting the treatments not work, I was worried for my family because all of our hearts were breaking and I didn't want us all to hurt, and I was scared of the future. A future without my mother. I was overwhelmed by all of it, and I just wanted to rewind to a better time in life, when my mom was healthy, and everything was ok.

Justin was amazing through it all. Encouraging me to cry to get rid of the chest pains, was genius. Then suddenly, he did what he always does when things are impossibly hard. He lets me cry it out, reassures me that I will be ok, and that I'm strong...and then he cracks me up. He started reciting poems off the top of his head that were similar to Shel Silverstein, and they were so good that he wrote some down and we've been trying to write more since then.

He is my saving grace. For whatever reason, he just knows what to do with me when I'm struggling, and not sure what to do for myself. I don't know what I ever did without him.

For whatever reason, my mother has to leave us before we ever wanted her to. I'm so grateful that we get notice, that she isn't just here one day and gone the next. I've had time to say everything I want to say, and just be with her during her hardest days. I got to braid her hair after brain surgery to keep it away from the stapled incision. I got to lay with her in the dark as she pondered aloud what this cancer would bring to our family. I've become closer to my siblings than I might have otherwise. I've gained knowledge of hardship, and what it does to your heart, to your outlook on life, love, God, faith, the world, and trials. I've seen more people be touched by my mother, than I ever thought she could reach, and I thought she had reached A LOT already. I've had my view on faith permanently altered, and formed a closer bond with God, but I'm still mad at Him.

I've seen people I hardly know reach out to me with the most appropriate words that I needed to hear on some of my hardest days. I've seen miracles, and prayers answered in the way I didn't want.

The most important thing I've seen though, is my mother, through it all, never relent in her love for her family, and God. She is perfect in every way, and I am eternally grateful that I am her daughter. I consider myself the luckiest girl in the world because of that fact.

Even though our hearts are breaking, we are all so lucky to have her now. I guess now, we just love her with all we've got and see what the future holds.

Hey Guys,

I'm seriously in love with my new creations. I want to buy them all for myself! Don't you just love them? I know I sure do.

Hey, here's a thought... why don't you buy one for your lover for Valentine's day? I wouldn't be offended in the slightest.  You know they'd love a throw pillow (you can never have too many), or even a bag to carry their books in, or a clock to remind them of when they need to call you and tell you they love you. BECAUSE WE ALL NEED THOSE THINGS.

CLICK HERE to view larger product images, product details & pricing at my Society6 page! You can also follow my Facebook page for new product updates: http://www.facebook.com/bylanalou

They say never go to bed angry.
They say never get a king size bed.

Some say in order to stay together you should never keep secrets.
Others say in order to stay together you have to have your own things.

Here's what I say:

If you don't go to bed angry you'll stay up until 3 am fighting. Because fighting when tired breeds more fighting, until neither of you even know what you're talking about and you're just fighting because you're tired.

A king size bed allows us to feel like we have all the space in the world to sleep without anybody waking the other up. And we both REALLY value our sleep, so we need this. However, every morning we wake up piled in the middle of our massive bed. So get a king size bed, and use the crap out of it. You'll still love each other, that is, if you loved each other already.

My last piece of advice is this:

The couple that laughs together, lasts together. Nothing gets you through life better than a good laugh.  Tell me the last time you didn't enjoy a good giggle fest, laugh-a-thon or giant guffaw.

You can't, because everyone enjoys laughing. It happens because you're happy. Even if you're laughing at the end of the worst possible day and it couldn't get any worse, you laugh because deep down inside, there's a tiny shred of you that can see that it is somehow going to be ok.

I think I'll open a clinic down the street dedicated to laughter therapy. And no one will have to pay unless I got them to chuckle at least a little.

I don't think we've gone a single day of our marriage without the tiniest of chuckles. No one appreciates my dad-like sense of humor like he does. And no one can get me to laugh until I can't breathe as often as he can. We're two peas in a giggling pod.  See for yourself below.

(Pardon the blurred photos. We aren't able to focus a camera whilst taking selfies. Yeah, I said whilst. I say whilst, when I'm feeling good. Must be all this laughter therapy going on.)

What to buy, or do with the money?

What are your favorite things to do with tax refunds?

Do you buy new furniture, a new Macbook, pay off some debt, go on a vacation, donate to charity, wipe your butt with it, burn it and laugh about how rich you already are?

I'd love to hear what you're hoping to do with all them benjamins. Share your ideas below in the comments!

http://sfrc.ufl.edu/Extension/florida_forestry_information/images/price_dollars.gif

I look at you right now from the beginning, wondering what you'll become. You have all the potential in the world to be wonderful, even with the hardships that are possible, and that I know are coming. I know that I can't plan for anything to happen the way that I exactly want. I can't expect certain things to happen, all I can do is try as hard as I possibly can to make sure that I roll with whatever you bring me, and make my life the best that I can!

Here's what I'm hoping to find from this year:

A new opportunity
A finished goal
A new positive habit
A successful break
An answered prayer

And probably a few other things, like... for my cats to become besties.

I'm being cryptic. I know. Time will reveal all of this to you guys. I promise.

Just say lots of prayers for me this year. I AM GOING TO NEED THEM. We all do, and I'm sure you've got a lot of people on your prayer list already, but please remember me, too, if you can. I need more strength in my legs, more breath in my lungs, and more spring in my step to make it through this year to come!

Oh, 2014... is it possible to skip you?

Justin and I watched the movie About Time last weekend. I absolutely loved it, and wish I had the ability to time travel like he did. I just want to go back to this day... just for the whole year. Has time travel been invented for everyone yet?

Taken in the Gulf of Mexico by my future husband Justin.

...or the slightly expensive but still in our planned budget things.

This weekend, the husband and I went shopping! We have been meaning to finish a few things in our house that were on our list. So, we finally finished the living room completely! We were able to find a really nice rug... kind of a splurge, but totally worth it. New curtains add tons of amazingness to the room, and a few other small touches like moving the gallery wall to the right, and a few other small details. We're both kind of in love with the changes. It's beautiful, see for yourself!

Now I think I'll relax and enjoy the sweet blissfulness of our immaculately clean home!

I can't ever say enough how much I love spending time with strong women. I am a lucky girl because I happen to know so many. I was lucky enough to get not one, but TWO of my closest girlfriends in town at the same time during New Year's holiday time. I miss them so much, and I really never get sick of just sitting and talking for hours about EVERYTHING. These girls take me as I am, and encourage me to be bold. I am ever so grateful for their friendship. I only wish they didn't move several states away!

Last weekend I had the pleasure of having brunch with several of my other girlfriends in this area. I'm so grateful I went. They really do boost my self-esteem when I go. I just feel like I can be as strong as I want to be when I am around these girls. Nothing should ever break our spirits, but life has a way of beating us down sometimes. Being around strong women has a way of empowering me again, and reminding me that I, too, can do whatever I want to do, and be bold and go for the life I want, regardless of the time it will take to get there.

I love this feeling. Right now I feel strong, and empowered. Such a great way to feel after hanging out with people. That's how you know you are in the presence of good people-- when you come away feeling positive and motivated.

I'm so thankful for moments like this, when I feel stronger than I thought I was yesterday, and when I am able to pull up my bootstraps and get going! Be prepared for some feminist posts to come!

I had a dream last night that I was being interviewed by some famous host of a show, regarding my life.   I don't remember a lot of what was said, but I remembered finding my answers to be quite interesting. I woke up thinking to myself, "What would it be like if I were on a talk show? Would people find my interview to be a waste of time, or worthwhile?"

I decided to conduct an interview of myself. Let's do this here, for fun, and see what happens.

Q: We've got something special for you all tonight, folks. We've got Lana here to hang out with us! Let's give her all a warm welcome!

--audience cheers and claps as I enter the stage and take my seat--

A: Thank you, thank you, you're all too nice. --I blush--

Q: So, Lana, what are you up to these days?

A: Well, I am still working at the same place I've been since I graduated college. It's been quite a ride, not even knowing what I was interviewing for when I first went in. I desperately needed a job, and would've done anything they needed me to. So, here I am coordinating 100's of events every week now, with a bit of international experience as well. It's been quite fun, hectic and educational all at the same time.

Q: Excellent! That's pretty great, seeing as how a lot of people are stuck looking for odd jobs, just to pay their bills.

A: I know. I've been quite lucky the past 4.5 years. I'm also trying to sell some recent creations on my Society6.com page. If any of you people want to see what that's about, head over to www.society6.com/lanalefevre. You won't be disappointed, I've got art prints, tote bags, throw pillows, mugs, anything you could ever want me to put my art on, since I know you're all desperate for a little piece of it! --audience claps and laughs--

Q: So, the question on everyone's mind tonight is, What do you see yourself doing for the rest of your life?

A: Well, you just get right to the point don't you now? --host laughs-- Honestly, there are so many things I love to do. As long as I have something that pays my regular bills, I just want to spend my life creating. I'd love to own my own furniture shop. Not your regular run-of-the-mill place, though. I want to find old furniture, and restore it to a new beautiful version of itself, and then hang up all my original artwork, and prints, on the walls. Anything in the building is for sale, including the artwork... except for me of course!" --audience laughs--

Q: Well, that's a great idea! There seems to be a lot of that going on lately, so how would your shop be different than all the others?

A: There's the hard part... it would be different because it would have one-of-a-kind pieces refurbished by me, but I'm still trying to find an idea for how to really set it apart. Let me get back to you on that?

Q: I hope you will! I'd love to hear more. Some of us have also followed your blog, and think you're a half decent writer. Have you ever considered writing a book? Any kind of book?

A: I have, and I am... slowly. VERY slowly. --audience laughs-- But it's there, in the back of everyday, looming over my head. I just get writer's block pretty easily. However, I am constantly coming up with synopses of stories that I can start anew. So, I've got ideas for about 5 books right now that if I could just focus and work on them, I'd probably be the next J.K. Rowling... or, maybe just the next nameless author that makes a few bucks off their short stories. --audience laughs again-- Either way, I'd be satisfied if I just finished one of them!

Q: That's really great, hopefully one day we can pick up a copy from the nearest Barnes and Noble?

A: That's the plan... now if I could just get to work on that again! --audience and host give me their best sympathy laugh--

Q: So, what about your family? How's everyone these days?

A: Well, you heard about my mom right?

Q: Yeah, sorry to hear that she's had to fight cancer --audience sighs sadly-- this past year. How's she doing?

A: She's doing ok actually. It's never a good thing to be diagnosed with cancer and fight it the way she has, but I'm so grateful she's still here. It's really inspired me to focus more on what I want out of life, instead of just going through the day-to-day motions. Sure, I've spent a lot of time lazing about this year, because stress will do that to a person. But I have big plans for myself, and she is my inspiration. Life is short, and it can turn on a dime. We really have to make it what we want. My mom was a go-getter when she had the energy and health, and I can't think of a time in my life that she didn't have a million dreams going all at once for herself. She always achieved them, and made them happen. I really have learned a lot from her example, and can't think of a better way to live myself.

--audience claps and cheers--

Q: Well, that's really inspirational, she sounds like an amazing mother, and someone who has a great legacy. You are one lucky girl to be raised by a woman like her.

A: I really am. I have always known it too. --audience claps again--

Q: Well, that's about all the time we have for tonight, folks! Thanks for being here Lana, and we all look forward to seeing your books, your artwork and your furniture in the future. MAKE IT HAPPEN!

A: Thanks for having me, it's been a pleasure. --I wave at the audience while the end credits roll--

If were to be on a late night talk show, I think I'd probably wear an adorable black or gray dress, with the below accessories. Justin got me these tights for Christmas, and I am loving their bright mustard-ness. You can never go wrong with colored legs. I am serious.

So, if you had to interview yourself, what would it say and what would you wear?

So I'm off to spend the next week with family and relax before 2013 comes to end.

I don't have a lot to write. Work has been insane. Job security, but awfully busy and miserable. But tonight was our work party, and it was at the Grand America hotel in SLC. Fancy and fantastic. It's crazy how well our company is doing these days. I'm lucky to have such a great job at the moment, but I couldn't be more excited for a week off with my family right now.

I. AM. BURNED. OUT.

So... here is a before and after photo sequence of a chair I redid this year and have been meaning to share with you all. This will suffice as a post for now! It was a super cheap thrift store chair that must have come from a huge set of old office chairs because there were several of them.

I had to rip off all the gross fabric (2 different layers of it), rip off the dirty 50 year old foam that was full of skin cells of tons of people and put new foam and fabric on. It was.... GROSS. Justin bought me a simple staple gun, and some gloves and I dug in. It looks great now! If I could do it again, I'd have bought more than just one!

So what do you think?

Found on Pinterest

If anyone has ever suffered from anxiety they understand that while it can be explained, it often doesn't make sense. It can run rampant if you're not careful, or it can be totally kept at bay. Sometimes this is determined by how much sleep you get, or how much emotional stress you're under, or your level of exercise... Or sometimes it just happens. What I do know is, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Some people's anxiety manifests as panic attacks, others as nausea, and even others as hives or other symptoms. It's funny that us anxiety sufferers are more common than people think, yet we never talk about it for fear of being looked at as "unfit" people.

Anxiety is one of the biggest mental disorders in the country, yet I feel like calling it a disorder gives it a stigma that doesn't need to be there. Even people who don't suffer from chronic anxiety still get anxious. It's a human condition. Our body naturally responds to fear, and anxiety is your body's response to some sort of fear, even if it's not necessary to be afraid at the time. If so many people have it, why is it then a disorder?

It could be called a disorder because it involves negative consequences.  Some people are so anxious about some things they become phobic, and a phobia can cause severe problems if not watched and worked on. Thankfully, my anxiety just manifests in times of turmoil in my life. I went from age 12 to age 25 before I actually worked on it and figured out how to control it and beat it. My anxiety manifests as nausea and is controlled by regular exercise, healthy sleep, and eating. Occasionally, too, I take an herbal supplement from Good Earth stores. If I'm extremely stressed I can get a mild-moderate anxious feeling for days or weeks on end, and my appetite totally disappears. During this time I also get excessively irritable and tired. If I get overwhelmed enough, I actually get physically sick, and have to put a stop to it before it gets really bad.

So, while I'm dealing with hardships, I often deal with more than I really need to. Not only do I have to cope with whatever hardship is there, I have to figure out how to keep my health intact, and this is not an easy feat when you naturally create anxious feelings inside of yourself. This past year has not been a good one. I was taking a birth control pill that ramped up my anxiety pretty badly, and I was pretty sick for most of the winter/spring. Not to mention what finding out my mom has cancer, and watching her suffer has done, and a busier year at work than I've ever had before.

I've realized that I've been excessively tired and really grouchy for the past month now, and am sad to admit, that I'm suffering anxiety symptoms again. I think all we can do in times of hardship is remember it's ok to have a hard time. It's ok to be sad and to struggle, if we didn't, it wouldn't be a hardship, and there would be no life lesson's learned.  The more patience we have with ourselves in times of struggle, the quicker we get through them. I've learned that the more I become upset with myself for not handling things as perfectly as others seem to, or for not being as strong as I thought I should have been, it becomes harder to handle things in general. If I take a deep breath, relax and say, "It's ok to be stressed and struggling when you have a full load to carry", I become peaceful and more able to handle the hardships and blows as they come.

So embrace the anxiety within you, and say, "I'm capable, and able to get through this. It's ok that right now I don't feel awesome." At age 26, I learned that something as simple as that can change your life permanently and give you strength you didn't have before.

And at age 29, I'm realizing that was the best thing I ever did for my life.

I think one of my favorite things about growing up is being able to learn all the various forms of love.

When you're a child, love is so easy. Children naturally love, and it's in love's simplest form. I love you because you shared with me. I love you because I don't understand hate yet.

There are so many other versions of love to be had, though.

The friendship love
The romantic love
The superficial love
The "I don't wanna be lonely" love
The obsessive love

But the one thing I am most excited about learning as I grow in life, is that true love really does exist. I think I'm in the beginning stages of it, since I've only been married for just over a year. However, I know I am already experiencing evidence that it exists in my short time being married.

It's in the little things:
Slow dancing in the kitchen to my favorite Christmas song while our cheap, delicious, breaded, fish filets bake in the oven.
The way I always get to have a a few sips of his Coke whenever he gets one because he knows I will never drink a whole one by myself.
The fact that instead of being angry with me when I get snappy, he says, "you need a nap."
Laughing on the floor of our bedroom/office while we try to see who has the strongest abs by throwing random core workouts at each other. (He won.)
He told our pets that I feed him really well, and that at least I'm remembering to feed one of the creatures living in our house.

I don't know, guys, I think the more I go through life with Justin, the more I become infatuated with him. I think about what this year has been full of, and I see most of it as a positive thing because I had him by my side every step of the way. He has helped cheer me up on my hardest days, (see the FART STORY) and been more patient than anyone I have ever met.

So, this holiday season all I need is the people I love, for my mom to catch a break, and world peace.





...And apparently the 14 blu-rays we splurged on during Cyber Monday on Amazon that are going to be gift-wrapped under our tree. (Don't judge me, I love theatrics.)

The title of this post is one of my favorite hymns. It's short, sweet and speaks of how I feel on a regular basis. Utah is full of beauty everywhere I look -- the mountains in any given season, the valleys, and the sunsets. We truly live in a beautiful state. While driving home from my parents' house to ours after Thanksgiving, my husband and I encountered the below scenes. Excuse the poor quality pictures, we were driving in crazy holiday traffic so they are all through the car windows. Also note, there is no filter.

God is a master artist.

Justin and I came home the other night to the raunchy smell of sour garbage. Isn't it funny how garbage has roughly a 5-minute window of when it doesn't stink to when it smells up the whole house and permeates into the floorboards and sheetrock? (Ok, it's not THAT bad but Febreze air freshener won't even cover it when it hits that point).

It's like, "Hey, I know I'm garbage, but I'm fine. Don't worry about me. Just go to work, and pay attention to me later."

5 minutes go by.

"I AM THE EVIL STENCH MONSTER! YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN AT WORK WHEN I APPEARED, NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!"

And you spend the next 30 minutes cleaning and airing out the house to get rid of it.

Well, I've seen this thing on Pinterest where you boil sliced oranges or orange peels with cinnamon and water. It's supposed to smell like a dream came true at your house. So I tried it and...

...it works! No Pinterest Fail here, internet peeps! My house smelled like the holidays, heaven and magic all wrapped into one! And it didn't burn my nose or give me a headache like scented candles do! I loved it so much that I had my trusty friend, Google, help me find these simple recipes for more house scents on Apartmenttherapy.com, which is also one of my very favorite get-lost-for-hours-at-a-time sites.

Pasted below, directly from the article, are the ones I want to try. Check it out, and let me know how it works for you!

And because your house will smell like the holiday season, it will make you get in the holiday spirit... and you'll eventually do this. BEFORE THANKSGIVING. Trust me, it smelled THAT good.

There seems to be an unspoken rule among women that you're not supposed to know you have a great body, or that you're skinny, or that you think you're pretty. It's like we're all supposed to join together and hate our bodies, but if someone compliments us on how we look thinner, we're supposed to feel AMAZING! It's weird. What if I know I'm skinny already?

I've been a twig my whole life. My mom has been a twig her whole life. My grandma has too. I come from a long line of twigs. Still don't believe me? Go look at my little brothers. One is 6'7" and is lean and hipster looking. (He has luscious shoulder length hair that accentuates his cheek bones. The girls at his high school must be piles of goo when he walks by.)

Here are a few of my favorite (read: annoying) things that have happened in relation to my weight:

I was emailed once through Facebook by a girl in my church. She had been suffering from bulimia, and was positive I was anorexic because I'm very thin. She told me if I ever wanted to talk to her about my eating disorder, she would be all ears because she understood. HAHAHA... thanks for the help, girlfriend.

A boy entering my apartment with his friends sees me walk into the room, "Whoa, do you eat... ever?"
No, I'm the only person alive who doesn't need food to survive. I'm a magical unicorn of sorts. Here, take a picture with me so you can tell all your friends!

A former boss said to me one day while in his office, "Hey, you look like a concentration camp victim." And then laughed. That one actually got to me. I went to lunch, called my mom and bawled. That is not a compliment sir, you said I look like a walking corpse. SO not a compliment.

The list of these goes on and on. I thought being skinny is what every girl wants? Why is it so weird to people then when they see someone thin?

The truth is, there's a lot of things that keep me skinny. When I'm emotionally stressed, I'm not hungry. So if I ever go through something hard, I drop 10-15 pounds over about 6 months. It usually takes me the following year or two to put those damn pounds back on, so I'm never happy about the weight I lost. The other truth is, my genetics are small-boned, tall, lean frames. Even when I do gain weight, I'm still a size 3.

I think it would be so much better if people really could accept everyone regardless of size. Larger people want to be accepted for their weight and shape. Why can't people accept tiny, skinny people?

Here's what's happening in my head now... I no longer care if I look skinny. There are outfits that I used to avoid because they elongated my figure or made me look flatter chested. There are hairstyles I avoided because they made my cheekbones more pronounced and you could see my long thin neck. I just don't care anymore. I am a twig-like female. I'm actually really grateful for this twiggy frame I've been given. It's come in handy if I ever needed to squeeze through a fence! It's also come in handy because it's healthy. I am a healthy, happy, human being, and I love myself more and more the older I get. I even embraced my natural dirty blond hair color this year. THAT is confidence, kids.

I'm not posting this to brag, or to say my life has been hard as a thin person. I'm just posting it because I don't care anymore what anyone thinks.

Hi, My name is Lana and I'm naturally skinny. I can eat carbs all day and not get fat.

And I like it.

But that's not all that defines me... in fact I prefer not to define myself by my size. I prefer to define myself by my talents and what I have to offer the world.

I find that the older I get the less I make new really close friends. I don't say this to be a downer, I've actually been contemplating this fact for the past couple of years. This post is not so much a "poor me, my friends all live far away" as it is a "what is the method for finding friends in my phase of life?". When we're young, friends basically fall into our laps.

Here's a timeline of sorts to help illustrate my idea:

Birth to 4 years old: whoever is in your neighborhood, is instantly a part of the club. Also, cousins, siblings and other short people will do.

Kindergarten-6th grade: Look to your left, look to your right. The girl sitting in the desk at either of those directions will most likely end up being your best friend. Move to a new group of desks? Repeat this process all over again. Easy peasy.

7th-12th grade: repeat the steps from elementary school. Also whoever joins any similar activities to you will also be a buddy. Occasionally you have to find a new circle because teenage girls are chock full of insane hormones and tend to get really mean and exclusive... but this can easily be done as you now have several classes a day instead of just one group of kids all day. No more friends in first period? Try second period in 30 minutes!

COLLEGE: Anywhere you go, just ask someone your age what kind of music they like, or favorite movies... and BAM INSTANT FRIENDSHIP FOREVER! Another instant friendship is often the 'college roomie' situation. These two types of friendships also tend to be tightened and strengthened by helping each other deal with weird roommates, boy drama, and dance parties! If there's any random crazy fun to be had, you'll have it.


Current situation: Late 20's, early 30's. I have a tight group of friends that I consider my very close best friends. I'm watching them become moms to their first, second and third children. We've got years of life behind us together, and we know each other's families, and each other's secrets. We'd never hold back the truth from each other even if it hurts because we know we are supposed to help each other. We are like sisters. Every time we talk or see each other life picks up right where it left off, with a LOT of chatting of course to catch up. We are scattered all over the world, and it doesn't matter. Some of us are married, some are not. Some are moms, some are not. But we are all in life together, and will always be there for each other even though there are now thousands of miles and even an ocean between some of us.

So how do we make new friends in this station in life? I feel like it's much harder to find new close friends now that I'm in this phase. It used to be "I NEED A SOCIAL LIFE SO I WILL TALK TO ANYONE AND EVERYONE." I had a lot of friends that were good and bad for me, and the more I get older and more responsible with my life, I find that I need just to keep the ones around that are good for me and I can easily let most people go with ease. I am able to talk to most people, but I rarely now form lasting bonds with anyone new. I'd like to challenge myself to find a new friend in the next 12 months that I have a lasting, deep friendship with.

So, who wants to hang out?
I have treats... and a kitten.

Happy Veteran's Day to this sexy beast! I am so grateful for his love, friendship, hard-working nature, and ridiculous sense of humor. I'm so lucky to be his wife. I'm so lucky we get to figure out this crazy life together. I couldn't have found a better person to be with.

I've always been a huge eye-roller toward bandwagons. The flared pants bandwagon that I swore I'd never ever ever do, but about 9 months later I had a pair of flared leg jeans with a stripe down the side (I was 14... it was the style in the late 90's/2000). I refused to ever wear skinny jeans because they were so tight and weird. I have tiny ankles and thought they would make my feet look like skis. Now they are what I wear 99% of the time and have since 2007. Skinny pants are made for stick legs. I happen to be the proud owner of a pair of very stick-like legs! It's been a match made in heaven.

I still can't seem to jump on the Ugg boots wagon though. I tried... but the cheap ones look awful, and the expensive ones are too pricey. So I just wear my moccasins. And I'm happy that way.

Lately it's the YOLO bandwagon that I have had a tendency to be annoyed by. I feel like YOLO or You Only Live Once is a way to get away with whatever you want and never have to apologize for hurting yourself or anyone else. I know... I'm such a boring grown up.

Well, today I want to stop being against this bandwagon. I think there might be something to this, when used in the right way. This past year has taught me a lot about life, and how even the healthiest of people can become extremely ill and be counting down the days to their end. I don't want to miss anymore of what seems exhilarating but never "for  me." I'm such an anxious person, that I've never gone cliff jumping, or gone for that huge job that I probably won't get any way, or moved to the other side of the world without a single plan in the works for when I get there. I'm the type that gets a job in a city and pays a down payment on a rental, with money I have saved for a few months in advance, before moving.

My mom's cancer has made me feel like I need to be more brave, less cautious, and just go for the gold. I still don't think I want to go sky diving with my husband, but there's a little time to work up to that one.

So today I took a baby step. I was at the grocery store picking up some lunch, and there was an awesome chicken salad snack bowl that had slices of cheese on the side. I started drooling like a Pavlovian dog, and I thought to myself, "I have been craving cheese for weeks but really shouldn't eat it since it hurts my stomach and I've been so good. Just walk away from it Lana." Then I turned and walked away from it.

I didn't get very far before the YOLO shoulder angel popped up and said, "Lana YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE! Eat the effing cheese and smile through the gas and cramps later!" (In case you're wondering, the YOLO fairy doesn't swear unless it's for something bigger than cheese.)

So I thought... YEAH. YOLO. YOLO!!!!! And I went and bought the dang thing, and ate it and LOVED IT. Sure my stomach hurts now and I am sitting here thinking... SCREW YOU CHEDDAR CHEESE, and screw your amazing delectability! But... at least I got to enjoy me some cheddar cheese for the first time since September.

I think tomorrow I might just go to Animal Ark and hold a tarantula. Or maybe I'll tattoo a picture of my family on my arms and then join a fight club.

Or maybe I'll just throw caution to the wind completely and show up to work at noon without calling in first.
YOLO, EMPLOYER. YOLO.

The possibilities really are endless!

What I'm really getting at is, I have nothing to fear but a life unlived. So... what should I do with all this time since I never know how much I have?

I'm obsessed with art lately. Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh. Someone, please stop me from looking at the Society6 site. I CAN'T MAKE MYSELF.

Here are a few of my most recent discoveries on there. (Click the art piece name to see the artists' gallery/store.)

Bill Murray - by replaceface

Tonari no Totoro - by Victor Vercesi

Pulp Street - by Beery Method

Moon Flight - by rubbishmonkey

So... I painted the image for the new blog header a while ago. Some of you may remember it from THIS post.

I scanned it tonight and tweaked it with some cool edits, and came up with the lovely new header you see above! I happen to love it. It's weird, but it's my own creation, and I like that.

Also... the blog address you visit each time you come to my blog is changing. I am getting my own domain name! YES! I don't know why it took so long to do this before now. I guess I just had other things to do at the time... or I'm lazy.

Anyhow, by this weekend, you will need to update your information to my new blog address.

Details to come soon!