Passions

I've been thinking a lot about passions these days. What do I mean by that? Well, I mean passions in the noun sense of the word. As in, Jeremy has a passion for drawing cartoons. That kind of passion. (I don't know Jeremy, so we'll leave him out of the rest of this post.)

Justin seems to love so many things, and pursue them. He's a very passion-driven person and it's one of the reasons I love him. He is always pursuing some hobby or goal that he wants to. One time when we were dating he asked me directly, "What are you passionate about?"

Friends, this is my most dreaded question. Why?

Because I have no passions.... dun Dun DUN!

I know right? It's awful. I've been sitting here thinking and thinking and thinking. There is not one thing I could spend the rest of my life doing and just know it was where I belonged and I would never change my mind. There is not one thing that tractor beams me into it. That night after we talked about that, I went home and cried. For a few reasons actually... first and foremost, I felt like I was an extremely boring person, which led me to think I must be unattractive because of that, and then I wondered if I was destined to live life unfulfilled?

Ever since then, I've kind of struggled. SO MUCH in this world fascinates me. There are so many topics and hobbies, and skills to learn about and master. How does anyone just choose one and stay there? But, I have racked my brain for months wondering if I am boring because I don't have a passion, or if I just am lazy? Why don't I have one of those things that I've always known I would do? The more I think about it, the more it really sinks in that I must have something wrong with me because I don't have an easy to define, obvious passion... or maybe I just don't have one at all. It has really caused me to have concerns about who I am and what I'm doing here.

I painted this last weekend. 

Then, just the other night, I opened up to Justin about this, and he said he'd always known since he was a kid what he wanted to do. This stressed me out even more. I have NEVER KNOWN. He asked me what I said I wanted to be when I was a kid. And you know what? I can't even remember. I just remember thinking, "Whatever I am when I'm grown up, I hope I'm good at it, and successful." What kind of a kid doesn't want to be a pirate or astronaut or president of the United States? Well... me, I guess.

I text messaged my mom today to find out if maybe I just couldn't remember the thing that I said as a kid that I always wanted to be... her response didn't surprise me at all.

"Well, you used to say you wanted to be a ballerina, or a tv reporter, or a writer. You never really stuck at one thing for too long, and kind of moved ideas around the whole time."

There you have it, friends. I was right! This explains why I had 5 majors in college , and even when I was about to graduate with my Bachelor's degree, I thought, "What if I studied this instead?!"

The point is, I've been looking at it all wrong, you guys. I do have a passion. I am passionate about learning! THAT is my passion. I soak information in. I'm always telling Justin, "Hey did you know [insert random fun and interesting fact I learned today]? I just can't help it. It drives him nuts.

I want to do all of these things:
Write a novel
Write a children's book
Work more on my 3 blogs
Learn to paint, if for no one else but me
Sew a massive patchwork quilt out of old clothes
Make more stuffed animals, since I'm a pro
Finish my Etsy stuff
Run a half marathon
Run a few more 5k's (before the halfsies)
Learn to sing better
Write a song on the piano
Learn to reupholster and restore furniture
Become a master chef (again if only for my family and me)
Impact the world for good
Travel the world with my family
Grow a garden that feeds my family
Learn another language fluently

The list goes on and on...

The moral of this story is this: not everybody is a tractor beamer. Some of us really love everything, and you can fascinate me with pretty much anything. I'm just here for the experiences.

What are your passions?