My friends call me SheMale...
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
So... this turned out better than I thought. Who knew drawing a beard on half my face with my eyeliner would be so fun!?
Sometimes Halloween is really fun, despite the fact that I hate forced party holidays where you end up spending half your time in the car searching for the next best party, only to get there start dancing and have your friends be like, "Hey let's go check out party #335 for the evening!". Usually at this point I start thinking about ditching them and going to get some late night Del Taco and watch a movie. I'm not really a party hopper, I find it aggravating. I just want to stay somewhere and make the most of it! (Applies to my life as well...)
I feel the same way about New Year's, and Valentine's Day too.
But to go back to the picture... apparently this picture really bothers some people. I just find it hilarious, and I also find it hilarious that it actually bothers people.
I'm also really liking the shape of my lips in the red lipstick. Maybe I'll start wearing it regularly...
Words of a great man.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
So I recently, meaning 6 months ago, purchased a book by Elder Busche. For those of you who don't know who he is, or what his story is, this is a book I recommend. It is his autobiography. I haven't finished it yet because I let someone borrow it before I was done, but the first two thirds of the book that I did read are phenomenal.He was a Hitler Youth in Germany when he was a teenager and quickly realized the beautiful life Hitler had promised the German people when he took over the country was nothing he had actually intended for those people to have. He details the experiences he had during world war 2, his conversion to the LDS church, (which I assure you is quite a powerful story), and much of his life (which is also incredible).
He gave this talk at a BYU devotional in May of 1996. I am including the video because I can't do it justice, but the message is very clear and motivating.
My favorite lines from this video are these:
* Embrace this day with an enthusiastic welcome, no matter how it looks. The covenant with God to which you are true enables you to become enlightened by him, and nothing is impossible for you.
* God knows better than you what you need. He always attempts to speak to you. Listen, and follow the uncomfortable suggestions that he makes to us--everything will fall into its place.* In your life there have to be challenges. They will either bring you closer to God and therefore make you stronger, or they can destroy you. But you make the decision of which road you take.
* When you cannot love someone, look into that person's eyes long enough to find the hidden rudiments of the child of God in him.* Avoid at all cost any pessimistic, negative, or criticizing thoughts. If you cannot cut them out, they will do you harm* The pain of sacrifice lasts only one moment. It is the fear of the pain of sacrifice that makes you hesitate to do it.
* And finally, when you are compelled to give up something or when things that are dear to you are withdrawn from you, know that this is your lesson to be learned right now. But know also that, as you are learning this lesson, God wants to give you something better.
These are some powerful thoughts to which I have so much I want to add, but nothing seems to need to be said. Elder Busche is definitely led by the spirit and power of God. These thoughts are so simple yet completely necessary for us as imperfect people to listen to.
He was a man destined for greatness. It seems so from the very beginning in his childhood. The book gave me so much positive advice that I think about often. I can't wait to finish his book. There are so many stories in there that I want to share with the people in my world. I might put them on here once I get it back. Just you wait!
Seriously though, read that book if you get a chance.
The life I want for me.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Watch this video. I found it when I heard Sara Bareilles sings with this guy, Ry Cuming. You all know I'm a creepy fan of hers so I had to look it up. The song is called Always Remember Me. It's a beautiful song. The video is beautiful too and is the reason for this post. It's a slide show of old couples showing real love.
It fueled a lot of thoughts in me today that I didn't know I was thinking about. Sometimes when I'm exhausted after a crazy long week at work, I ruminate. And tonight I've been thinking about this one topic ever since I watched that video. The topic is... the life I want for me. Now this isn't my life as in I'm going to detail every aspect of it. This is my life in the relationship I want aspect.
The marriage I want for myself is completely embodied in these photos... loyalty, devotion, care, true forgiveness, happiness, compassion, service and most of all, what I completely believe love to look like.
When my grandma died 4 years ago this fall, I remember being sad for the loss, but more than anything I was sad for my grandpa. They were married for, I think, 65 years before she died. I might have that number wrong, but I'm pretty sure it's close to that. My grandpa is now 94, she died when he was 90. My brother went with my parents the night she died to take care of my grandpa. I'll never forget what he told me grandpa said... "It's not right, me here without her."
This is the love I want for myself. I want my husband to look at me for who I am, and know he is better off with me in his life, and is willing to do whatever he needs to to keep me there. I want him to sacrifice his own comfort sometimes for my own. I want him to laugh at life. I want him to see me when I'm all wrinkly and osteoporosis afflicted and love the road we've walked down together arm in arm, that led us to our bent backs and our hanging wrinkly skin.
I promise right now to always do the laundry, if he promises to push me in my wheelchair when I'm too weak to walk anymore. I promise to kiss him when he comes home from work if he promises to always come home to me and only me. I promise to feed him mashed potatoes in his jammies, when he's too old to go anywhere as long as he promises to forgive me over and over for all the craziness that I am.
I sometimes wonder if there are still people out there who go into relationships thinking about this idea that I have of what real love is or can be. I haven't met many people lately who understand that real love comes without 36 C's or chiseled abs, no emotions, and complete perfection in all things. Some of my friends/family have relationships in the beginning stages of this real love relationship, and I'm so interested to see how they turn out in the long run.
Like when Adam Sandler sings, "I wanna grow old with you" in the Wedding Singer movie, that real, grow-old-with-you-love is the love I want. The kind that isn't perfect, and at times we can't stand each other, but we always know we'll be there in the end together holding hands... walking down the street with our coats on in the summer because we can't seem to retain any body heat, but we need the sunshine so we still go outside.
This is the stuff my grandparents have. All of them. I have 3 complete sets of grandparents who all have shown me you can dedicate yourselves to the commitment you made with each other on your wedding day. For their example, I am eternally grateful. Not to mention, if I could meet a 26-32 year old version of my Grandpa P. I'd marry him in a heart beat. There is no greater man on this planet.
To sum things up, I got really sentimental watching that video, and it really made me think about what I really want for myself.
What do you want for yourself? Let me know by commenting.
It's time to soar....
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
So... my blog is going to get a little serious now and again. I try to keep it light usually but sometimes I just don't want to...
Now before you roll your eyes and go "Lana we didn't ever expect you to post a Christina song"... keep in mind this one is a very deep one, no genies in bottles, or Dirrrrty talk anywhere in this one. And I listen to this song for a boost. It's on my "pep talk" playlist and let me tell ya... It's powerful and I definitely relate to a lot of it. We all need a little of the Xtina voice in our lives...
In case you're wondering which parts I connect with the most it is the 2nd & 3rd paragraphs, and the mirror paragraph. I'm very affected by music.
Soar by Christina Aguilera
When they say you should change can you lift your head high and stay strong?
Will you give up, give in, when your heart's crying out that, "it's wrong"?
Will you love you for you at the end of it all?
Now, in life, there's gonna be times when you're feelin' low
And in your mind insecurity seems to take control.
We start to look outside ourselves for acceptance and approval.
We keep forgettin' that the one thing we should know is...
Don't be scared to fly alone, find a path that is your own.
Love will open every door. It's in your hands, the world is yours.
Don't hold back and always know, all the answers will unfold.
What are you waiting for?
Spread your wings and soar!
The boy who wonders is he good enough for them?
He's tryin' to please 'em all but he just never seems to fit in.
Then there's the girl who thinks she'll never ever be good enough for him.
She's tryin' to change and that's a game she'll never win.
In life there's gonna be times when you're feeling low
And in your mind insecurity seems to take control.
We start to look outside ourselves for acceptance and approval.
We keep forgettin' that the one thing we should know is...
Don't be scared to fly alone, find a path that is your own.
Love will open every door. It's in your hands, the world is yours.
Don't hold back and always know, all the answers they will unfold.
What are you waiting for?
The boy who wonders is he good enough for them?
He's tryin' to please 'em all but he just never seems to fit in.
Then there's the girl who thinks she'll never ever be good enough for him.
She's tryin' to change and that's a game she'll never win.
In life there's gonna be times when you're feeling low
And in your mind insecurity seems to take control.
We start to look outside ourselves for acceptance and approval.
We keep forgettin' that the one thing we should know is...
Don't be scared to fly alone, find a path that is your own.
Love will open every door. It's in your hands, the world is yours.
Don't hold back and always know, all the answers they will unfold.
What are you waiting for?
Spread your wings and soar!
In the mirror is where she comes face to face with her fears.
Her own reflection, now foreign to her after all these years.
All of her life she has tried to be something besides herself.
Now time has passed and she's ended up someone else with regret.
What is it in us that makes us feel the need to keep pretending?
Gotta let ourselves BE!
Don't be scared to fly alone, find a path that is your own.
Love will open every door. It's in your hands, the world is yours.
Don't hold back and always know, all the answers they will unfold.
What are you waiting for?
In the mirror is where she comes face to face with her fears.
Her own reflection, now foreign to her after all these years.
All of her life she has tried to be something besides herself.
Now time has passed and she's ended up someone else with regret.
What is it in us that makes us feel the need to keep pretending?
Gotta let ourselves BE!
Don't be scared to fly alone, find a path that is your own.
Love will open every door. It's in your hands, the world is yours.
Don't hold back and always know, all the answers they will unfold.
What are you waiting for?
Spread your wings and soar!
I hope this song hits you in the some way... if not, too bad!
A little bit of sexy...
I found this girl on a free Itunes download, and ended up purchasing her whole album. I absolutely love the Brazilian sultry sound in this. I also love the way the Portuguese language sounds. I'd love to learn it. Tell me what you think of this song.
Lero-Lero by Luisa Maita
One question - What the?!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
So many of you know, I mostly just post on here about ideas I have, letters to friends and family, photos I took, or music I love. This post is going to be one of the very few that I post about dating. This particular post will reference a person we will call TTH. I met TTH through a really good girlfriend, when we all went to dinner. This wasn't a setup, she was in town visiting, and wanted to go to dinner with people she knew. So we're out to dinner, and I'm mostly talking to her, because I don't know him, and she and I hadn't seen each other in years. He also hung out with us the next day for a little while too. During this weekend of time I got to know a few things about him.
A) His expensive jeans are too important to him, and even though he's broke, he'd never get rid of them to help his financial situation.
B) His truck was really expensive, including all the additions.
C) He has a few grand in credit card debt (but if you tell him that's a lot when he asks your opinion, he will get upset and leave your house).
So needless to say, I immediately canceled TTH out from being a possibility for me because of how much he talks about his expensive things. I have never been anything but turned off when a guy brags about how expensive his stuff is. Also, the really expensive jeans with the thick white stitching immediately send an alarm off and remind me of the guy I talk about here. Also, I didn't find him physically attractive in any way.
During this weekend he added me on Facebook like all new acquaintances do these days and we became "friends". I didn't intend on becoming buddies though. He didn't even seem like my friend type... let alone my dating type.
The following weekend TTH sends me this message on Facebook:
"So I never got ur number, so ill need that from u so I can ask u to go and do something sometime."
I don't reply because I have no intentions of giving my number to him and from several previous experiences with guys freaking out on me for being honest, I chose the passive aggressive route.
A week goes by and I get this message:
"ouch I didnt think i made that bad of impression to the point u would give me ur # oh well my bad have a good one maybe ill see u around its cause im to sexy huh, i always have this problem girls cant have a guy better looking than they are"
Uh... did he really just call the girl he wants to get to know, ugly? So I say simply:
"no worries, I just wasn't interested in going on a date. Thanks anyway!"
To which TTH, with all the obnoxious arrogance he can muster, replies with this:
"Alright, well first I never said I wanted to date you, I said ask you to go out and do something some time... I wasnt asking you out... You shouldnt flatter yourself. but what are you just to good to hang out with me or something? Just curious..."
First things first... WHY does he insist on using the letter U to replace an entire word? I despise that text language, and this is no text message (where I can let it slide), it's an EMAIL!
Second, WHY is he so desperate to make himself look like a fool? Asking me to go out and do something is... asking me out, isn't it? Call me crazy but that's what most guys who have taken me on dates said to me.
Also, since when does me being not interested mean I think I'm too good for him? And this is something guys say sometimes when they feel like an idiot for getting turned down (I've experienced this before, remind me to tell you the story some day about the guy that begged me to tell him I wasn't attracted. I finally gave in and said I wasn't, he told me I was the devil incarnate and freaked out so much I had to hangup). I can understand hating rejection. It sucks and it stings sometimes pretty badly, but have some dignity TTH!
As I'm getting ready to delete his annoying messages a Facebook chat window pops up. OH GOOD, here we go.
And it says,
"Seriously, What is your problem with me?"
Oh TTH why do you insist on digging your own grave? My eyes rolled to the back of my head and I could feel the polite nice person in me leaving and letting the part of me that wants to ream him for being so obnoxious step in.
"What the heck man? Can't a girl say no to you?"
He says he wants to know what my problem is with him... again.
The only thing I can do is be honest. I tell him he's starting to turn into a jerk, so while I wasn't interested in him to begin with, I now think he's a jerk too and REALLY have no intentions of giving him my number.
He decides he feels dumb about acting like the idiot I'm calling him out to be, and tries to tell me all of his talk about me being too good for people, how he never wanted to ask me out and I shouldn't flatter myself, and me not being able to handle dating a guy more attractive than me was all a joke and part of his sense of humor. (Piece of advice when trying to get a girl to like you, NEVER under any circumstance EVER tell her she's ugly in any form of speech. She will NEVER forget you said that, and you will lose all opportunity with her.... unless she's dumb. And then quite frankly she is a match made in heaven for TTH and his proteges.)
At this point, I've stooped to his level, and decide to ream him again. I say, "Oh really? You're joking? I'm quite positive you just realized how much you botched this and feel like an idiot. I'm not one of those dumb 18 year olds you spend all your time with, your brainless comments really have no value here."
He then flips out and tells me I've got all sorts of issues and keeps saying stupid things. I just delete him from my Facebook friends so as to prevent any more of his contagiously dumbing comments from coming through.
He then contacts our mutual friend, tells her he can't believe that she would betray him and ruin his chances with me. As if she even HAD anything to do with that? He never stood a chance from the get go, but he can go ahead and assume he's got the amazing ability to be a great catch, and that this had nothing to do with his lack of personality, and lack of adult behavior. She just says back that sometimes girls just aren't into you for no reason. He can't seem to get this concept (because he's a DB, yes guy friends, I didn't say the full words I know you hate!), gets mad and tells her I'm a psycho bi%@!.
Gee, you really got me there TTH. I'm not offended, a psycho person called me psycho. Am I annoyed? Yes. Am I offended? Not really, I'm not the one who has no control over myself and blames everyone else for screwing up my life. Do I feel sorry for him? Yes I do.
I could've just ignored him. I believe I should've. By arguing with him I proved one of my favorite quotes to be true. "Never argue with an idiot for he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience."
In this case idiot = TTH.
I wish I hadn't ever fought with him to begin with and just deleted him after his first rude comment. I guess the fighter in me that existed when I was a teenager/early college hasn't fully left.
Oh well... you win some, and you win some... in this case. :)
Sara again
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Yep... more Sara. Get used to it, she's one of my favorite artists. I'm going to her concert in November and am VERY excited!
Here's more of my favorite songs of hers from her new album Kaleidoscope Heart.....
First one is Uncharted. It's got so much energy I can't help but love it.
What is with the weird Asian lady in the middle of this? Seriously?
This one is Gonna Get Over You. It's my favorite to sing along to. And makes me want to dance around.
Her concert is going to be amazing! Yes!
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