The life I want for me.

Watch this video. I found it when I heard Sara Bareilles sings with this guy, Ry Cuming. You all know I'm a creepy fan of hers so I had to look it up. The song is called Always Remember Me. It's a beautiful song. The video is beautiful too and is the reason for this post. It's a slide show of old couples showing real love.

It fueled a lot of thoughts in me today that I didn't know I was thinking about. Sometimes when I'm exhausted after a crazy long week at work, I ruminate. And tonight I've been thinking about this one topic ever since I watched that video. The topic is... the life I want for me. Now this isn't my life as in I'm going to detail every aspect of it. This is my life in the relationship I want aspect.

The marriage I want for myself is completely embodied in these photos... loyalty, devotion, care, true forgiveness, happiness, compassion, service and most of all, what I completely believe love to look like.

When my grandma died 4 years ago this fall, I remember being sad for the loss, but more than anything I was sad for my grandpa. They were married for, I think, 65 years before she died. I might have that number wrong, but I'm pretty sure it's close to that. My grandpa is now 94, she died when he was 90. My brother went with my parents the night she died to take care of my grandpa. I'll never forget what he told me grandpa said... "It's not right, me here without her."

This is the love I want for myself. I want my husband to look at me for who I am, and know he is better off with me in his life, and is willing to do whatever he needs to to keep me there. I want him to sacrifice his own comfort sometimes for my own. I want him to laugh at life. I want him to see me when I'm all wrinkly and osteoporosis afflicted and love the road we've walked down together arm in arm, that led us to our bent backs and our hanging wrinkly skin.

I promise right now to always do the laundry, if he promises to push me in my wheelchair when I'm too weak to walk anymore. I promise to kiss him when he comes home from work if he promises to always come home to me and only me. I promise to feed him mashed potatoes in his jammies, when he's too old to go anywhere as long as he promises to forgive me over and over for all the craziness that I am.

I sometimes wonder if there are still people out there who go into relationships thinking about this idea that I have of what real love is or can be. I haven't met many people lately who understand that real love comes without 36 C's or chiseled abs, no emotions, and complete perfection in all things. Some of my friends/family have relationships in the beginning stages of this real love relationship, and I'm so interested to see how they turn out in the long run.

Like when Adam Sandler sings, "I wanna grow old with you" in the Wedding Singer movie, that real, grow-old-with-you-love is the love I want. The kind that isn't perfect, and at times we can't stand each other, but we always know we'll be there in the end together holding hands... walking down the street with our coats on in the summer because we can't seem to retain any body heat, but we need the sunshine so we still go outside.

This is the stuff my grandparents have. All of them. I have 3 complete sets of grandparents who all have shown me you can dedicate yourselves to the commitment you made with each other on your wedding day. For their example, I am eternally grateful. Not to mention, if I could meet a 26-32 year old version of my Grandpa P. I'd marry him in a heart beat. There is no greater man on this planet.

To sum things up, I got really sentimental watching that video, and it really made me think about what I really want for myself.

What do you want for yourself? Let me know by commenting.