This weekend has been a blast. I started the weekend with a run, and spent the rest of it with Justin's parents and family. It was his niece's birthday so today we all went to Chuckie Cheese and had a party. Justin and I spent the bulk of the party racing each other in the Fast and the Furious game. We spent yesterday shopping and hanging out with his family. Justin even got me some birthday gifts about 10 days early! YEAH! I'll post about those another time since it's not my birthday yet.

We're finally just relaxing on this beautiful 70 degree Sunday evening, and I started thinking about my best friend Andrea who had her first baby this weekend. We had a short conversation earlier this week how important names are. Her baby was given a great name, and they are starting off on a wonderful journey raising that boy. We talked about how naming a baby is such an important task, and how important names are to people.

I sometimes wonder who I'd be if I had a different name. Originally I was supposed to be Jessica Lynn (my middle name after my grandfather), but somehow I ended up being Lana. I like my unique name. No one ever has the same name as me that I ever meet. I am not one of 20 Jessica's in someone's cell phone. I am distinct, and I am me--that one girl with the extremely short name which no one can ever pronounce correctly. Here are some fun facts about my name that I didn't know, because I'm sure you're all just dying to know as well!

Current Singer Lana Del Rey

Famous Actress Lana Turner from mid 1900's.

My name origin is Gaelic, Hebrew and German, but it is most commonly used in English and Russian speaking areas. English form is Alana, Russian form is Svetlana. It is ranked number 402 in 2007's top 1000 name list. (I'm surprised. I've never met another one in person, only once by phone when I called a hotel to book an event.) The last time it was in the top 1000 names was in 1940. Ha!

My name is also a derivative of the Greek name Helen which stands for "shining light." Gaelic meaning is "little rock". German meaning is "precious".  Its other meanings are "fair one", "to be gentle", "soft", "light", "awakening", and my personal favorite... "wooly". Lana actually means wool in Italian. It was fun to find shirts for sale that were "100% Lana" while shopping in Rome. I own a purse, scarf and coat from that trip that are all 100% Lana. They were calling my name, and when I saw my name on the tag, OBVIOUSLY I had to buy them.

Another fun fact is that my name in Hawaiian means "afloat" and "calm as still waters". And in Kurdish my name means "the house of the lion". (I had to google Kurds to find out where they come from, it's near Turkey in a country called Kurdistan, naturally.)

I think my true favorite definitions for my name are "little rock" and "house of the Lion". I like to think these suit me best. I am immovable when I choose what is right for me, and I want to someday live up to the second one and be the house of the lion. Lions are seen as the king of the jungle and incredibly strong, courageous animals. I want to have people see me as a symbol of strength.

Here is one song I found that uses my name in the title:


Here is song #2 with my name in it. I love these. They are AWESOME!


So, with all this being said, my name is awesome. Oh and backwards it spells ANAL. HAHAHA. Lovely.

Now that you know everything about my name... what does your name mean? What do you love about your name?

So I'm sitting here at my desk at work, taking a short lunch consisting of dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets from our break room freezer (is this even chicken?), and I just had to write a quick little post.

A - It sucks when you have so much to do, you can't go home for lunch even though it's just a short drive away. I have some good food at my house. These nuked dino nuggets will have to do for now. I wish I had some fresh fruit to go with them though.

B- Justin and I get to go through our first rejection as home buyers this week. After looking at several homes over the past 2 weeks, we found a cute little brick one... remember I mentioned it 2 posts ago? I couldn't believe how fast we both fell for this house. Originally I expected to hunt for months for a house before finding one. It was priced lower than we thought we'd have to pay, and our offer was right at what they were asking for it. Well, we tried not to plan on it being ours, but then we both got all excited in dreaming up what we'd do to make it ours and make it look awesome.

Well... that was premature. Our offer was rejected. Now I'll have to dream about that Maple tree with fire red autumn leaves that I was going to put in the front yard, and hope there's another yard waiting for us soon that needs a Maple tree.

It kind of feels like dating. Not a huge breakup, but when you first meet that awesome person, go on a couple dates, and think, "I could get used to this", and then they either never call you again, or tell you they aren't interested. Well home sellers, it's you, not me.

Hmph.

Back to the drawing board for us!

Photo Credit: Google Image Search

Tonight I watched a TED talk about a man who searched for the man who broke his neck. The name of the talk alone intrigued me but what I found was an exceptional story teller, who in the process of telling his story of hardship, pain, and a lot of loss you could see in his face and eyes that he was on top of the cliff he'd fallen off of by accident. He was in a car accident in Israel when he was 19. His neck snapped and he spent the better part of his life healing and learning to walk again. Years later he now walks with a cane. He's become a writer even with limited use of his hands.

He went back to Israel last year and met the man who had driven the car that upon hitting the vehicle he was in, snapped his neck. The man's reactions during their afternoon together showed him that life isn't about what happens to you, it's what you do or how you deal with what happens to you. He quoted Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning." He went to that man to get an apology. But when he met with the man, he could see that he would never get one, and that the man had spent his life trying to forget the mistakes he had made.

He left that meeting knowing he was ok and knowing the man wasn't ok. It was quite an inspiring story.

Then I pulled up another one that is a commencement speech at a Harvard Graduation ceremony, given by JK Rowling. She talked all about how she believes failure is something we should all experience because it teaches you what you really are made of. She said when she was at the verge of homelessness, had lost her husband to divorce and had nothing, she knew she could focus all her energy onto the things she truly valued because she had nothing else to distract her. My favorite thing from this first section of her speech is this:

"Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life" - JK Rowling, Harvard Commencement speech 2008.

It is true, what happens to you doesn't define you. You are how you deal with and what you do with the things that have happened to you. I love this process of thinking. I believe it is truth.

My favorite part of the end of her speech was her closing statement. "As is a tale, so is life. Not how long it is, but how good it is."

Both speakers are writers. Both have such a way with words that they are worth listening to if you get the time. I have posted both videos below so that you can choose to watch none, one, or both of them.

Today is a good day. Want to know why? Well, I will tell you!

Justin and I put an offer on a house. Not a condo or townhome. A freestanding, red-brick house with a big huge fenced in back yard. WHOA!  We are not kidding around here, folks. We are going to buy that house if they will let us.

We are literally going to buy the crap out of that house. 

I know, I used literally wrong. Who really cares?

Now I'll stop grammar policing myself so we can all do a fist pump into the air and scream "YEAH!"

Ready? On 3. 1.... 2....3....

YEAH!

I hope you really did it.

Here's the details.  Red brick, 3 bedrooms, with a possible 4th if you finish the basement. 1 bathroom, with a possible basement one if you do the work. The whole main floor including 2 of the bedrooms have been completely remodeled. They are quite lovely. The whole kitchen and bathroom are brand new. The wood fireplace is super pretty. There is a huge patio in the back that is covered. A huge backyard that just needs some grass, and along one side of the yard are existing blocked off garden beds. The front yard is pretty big too. It sits on a quarter acre lot. The backyard is fenced in and the fence has grapevines growing on it that are probably super pretty in summertime.

We love it. We think it will be great for us! I hope the sellers do too! The only downside to it is, we will have to say goodbye to the massive bedroom in our condo... but say hello to our own piece of property!

I have to say Justin and I are being fearless. Buying a home is no spur of the moment thing... but we have determined that we need to go after what we want instead of just letting everyone else get their dreams. So here we are, now we wait to hear back from the seller.

WOOOOOOOOO!!!

Just one of the interior photos from the listing. I hope it's ok I used this photo...hmmmm.

You know, I always thought when I was really young that I was going to make a huge mark on this world. I thought that by the time I was approaching my 29th birthday I'd be the owner of a huge charity, or have a huge family, or 20 different college degrees (or maybe 2), or be a CEO of a major company. The truth is, I've held myself back a lot. I have this thing called FEAR that I let hang out from time to time. To be more specific, a fear of a success is what it is. See, failure is something that doesn't happen too often for me when I really try, yet despite the fact that I know this about myself, I still let fear stop me from being better, from doing the crazy ideas that I come up with.

I didn't do that summer study abroad where I would be living with a foreign family to learn the language. I didn't do it because I was scared I wouldn't be able to find a job if I left my job that I had at the time, and I needed money to be able to pay for school. I really regret that.

I think of people in my life who are fearless, and the first two people that come to mind are my husband and my mom.


My husband is seriously fearless, even when it comes to just navigating high school, he never cared what anyone thought. High school really scared the crap out of me, and I tried desperately to fit in, he just tried to be himself. In every aspect. Even now he is just that same way. He just figures out what he wants, and tries to get it. He doesn't worry if that mowhawk he just shaved in his head is going to be ugly to other people. He likes to dive head first out of planes for fun. He likes to get punched in the face for fun. He likes to throw himself off a railing on a skateboard... for fun. I envy his fearlessness. I admire his fearlessness. I hope that now that we live together it will rub off on me. He encourages me to be unafraid. I'm so grateful for that encouragement.


My mom has become a success at everything she tries. Not just a success, but a total knockout at it. She decided that she liked music, so she joined the high school choir, then formed a band, then majored in music, then spent the rest of her life so far singing, or playing for people, performing in musicals, and even formed another group and toured Southern Utah, and put out a CD. She decided she wanted to be a part of the community she lives in so she ran for City Council, and was voted in. She performed her duties as a councilwoman for a decade! She loves gardening so much she opened a nursery in our yard and it was a huge success. I tell ya, there isn't a thing she can't do. I'm pretty sure that since she's put her mind to beating cancer, it's going to happen. That lady turns everything to gold that she touches. So far, she is doing an awesome job at fighting it, and I am learning more about faith and hope from her than I think she is even meaning to teach.

I want to be like both of them. Sure I've had my own successes, paying my way through college, always having a great job to help me do so, I've got great friends, and I am a super quick learner in almost every field I try for. I just feel like there is more I could be doing. Something big. I don't know what that is. I used to be so full of specific dreams. I feel like I've let life get in the way of dreaming. I need to spend more time creating and bringing things into this world, than just partaking of what is here. I want to make my mark on the world. 

Tonight I watched "The Help" for what is probably my 20th time since I own the film, and I just wish I could do something like Skeeter does. I want to change the world, even if just a tiny corner of it to make a better place for mankind. I want to leave this world better than it was when I got here. Sure I probably have a lot of time to do this, but I feel like if I don't start acting on this, it will be 50 years from now and I'll be still here, trying to figure it out. So, I am determined to figure this out. I need to find my little corner of the world and improve it. That's my goal.

Mr. Tall, Mr. Dentist, Mrs. Mellow, Me, Mr. Creative Genius, Mr. Smartypants, Mr. Skier, the angel Brother, and the adopted German Sister!

I've been talking a lot about Vitamin D in my recent posts... obviously I have a thing for it, or just a thing for sunshine and all the awesomeness it brings with it.

Easter Sunday was a fabulous Spring day.

Justin and I went for a bike ride, fried up some burgers for our first barbecue of the warm weather months, and I even potted some flowers that will live in my window until it's warm enough for them not to freeze outside at night. Northern Utah is still classified as desert (I think) so even though it's 65-70 degrees during the day, it doesn't mean it won't be down around 30 degrees at night. It's pretty standard that Spring weather here consists of summer weather in the morning, and snow around 3pm in the same day.

I can't even describe to you how awesome those first warm weather days are for my psyche. But... I will try anyway. It just makes me feel like everything is going my way, and all is right in the world. Don't be surprised if you see me singing "these are a few of my favorite things" in a meadow of Spring flowers. That's really what it does to me! I might need to move to a state that has more even temperatures all year round. (Just no Arizona... too dirt-filled.) Anyone have any recommendations?

Here are some photos from the day.

I had a great weekend. Did you? I hope so.

Let me tell you my why my weekend was good.

First off, I got to leave work Friday at 12pm. That's always a great way to start the weekend! Second of all, I got to go on a mini road trip with my mama! We drove down to Southern Utah to spend time at home. She has her treatments Monday through Friday 4 hours from her home, so it's great that she feels awesome enough to go home for the weekend. The weather was a little rainy but the sun came out and the temperature got up to 65 degrees! We also chatted for the whole drive down there. It was so nice to have it just be us two in the car, talking about anything and everything. I loved every minute of it.

I also love when the sun comes out and warms everything up in the spring. I get the winter blues whether I want them or not, so the sun invigorates me when it's been hiding for months. Saturday I sat out on the deck soaking in the Vitamin D while my mom made her regular April rounds through her thawing garden. She pruned the peach tree so it would be able to give us awesome peaches like it does every year. The poor thing gets so many huge peaches, the branches get too heavy and almost break. She also pruned her raspberry bushes, and cleared up some of the random debris that winter storms leave behind. It hardly felt like anything huge has happened in our lives. She doesn't even seem like "the awful news" ever even happened. I'm grateful for days like that, and for her amazing health right now.

My german sis and I soaking up Vitamin D on the deck.

Also this weekend was the LDS General Conference. For those not a part of the LDS religion (the Mormons) this conference happens every 6 months and can be seen via satellite broadcasts at meetinghouses, tv, or in person at the conference center in Salt Lake City. We watched it on tv from my parents' house. Sometimes it feels as if the whole 2 days worth of spiritual guidance is specifically geared toward me. I am a spiritual person. I pray to God multiple times a day for whatever I might need that requires a little help. Sometimes they are purely just prayers of gratitude, sometimes they are the pleadings of a heavy heart. This weekend, it was a little of both.

It was so nice to spend the weekend being uplifted by amazing talks on faith, perseverance, and life lessons. Practicing faith right now seems to be the topic of my life with what's going on in my family. I was so happy to be in my childhood home with my younger teenage brothers, my German sister, and my parents.

And then my mom baked 2 kinds of cookies. Aaaahhh the good life!

Also, apparently this little gem happened during the conference... 2 old gospel nerds fist bumping. Awesome.

Photo credit: Google Images had so many versions of this in their image search, so I just linked to one.

For those of you that know me, you know that I am a worrier. This video sunk in deep. I felt as if he was talking directly to me. I have battled anxiety my whole life, and hard things sometimes become harder because of my ability to worry. I berate myself internally sometimes because of this, even though there are many times where I don't even have this problem. I lose patience with myself, and feel as if the person I ought to be, is never to be. After watching this short video, I truly believe that one day I won't have this problem anymore and I will be the strong person I hope to be.

I am so grateful for Russell M. Nelson's words in this video. What did you take from it?

I took this photo of her playing a few years ago.

Two days after my mom's brain surgery, she was released from the hospital. Not two weeks, two DAYS. It is pretty incredible how quickly she heals. I blame that on her amazing positive spirit.

I've been gone for a while from posting. I'm really sorry about that, it's just... how do I write about the things that have happened in the past month? (This is a long post, thank you for taking the time to read it.)

I have received permission to write this, A) because I'm an extrovert, and I have a blog that I feel like posting on, and B) because I think it will help someone who ends up dealing with this horribleness. I read someone's blog regarding this very thing that I will write about, and it gave me a clearer perspective, and renewed hope.

So... here goes with the hard stuff.

On March 10th, I received a call from my mom, the woman who has molded and shaped me into the woman I am, to tell me she had a brain tumor. Needless to say my world was rocked. I don't say that word lightly. I couldn't even see straight for a minute or two. My mom is always in perfect health. How can this person, who seems like she is a holder of the super power of invincibility, be invaded by abnormal cells in her brain?  Her voice was shaking on the phone as she delivered the news, and I told her I would tell everyone else for her. I have 6 siblings, so many hard phone calls had to be made. My mom was rushed to SLC from her home in southern Utah and in a matter of 3 days, her tumor was removed by amazing surgeons, and a few days later she was given the prognosis.  Stage 4 Glioblastoma. I made it tiny in font size because I hate it.

Brain cancer can just disappear for all I care. Stupid worthless thing.

Friends and family that read this, PLEASE do not Google it and then call my mom with worry or sadness or remedies to fix it. Google will make you feel terrible. As a matter of fact, Google has lost my love, too! I made the horrible mistake of searching it online, and let me tell you, it's something I wish I could take back and I can't. Calling her and stressing her out about what you read, or survival rates, or other dumb facts about it is not going to be helpful at all. All she wants is positivity around her, so if you can't do that, maybe give her some space until you can. She is going to beat this nasty cancer so none of that other information matters!

During the week long stay at the hospital, she was overwhelmed with an outpouring of friends and family coming out of the woodwork to make her feel cared for. I can tell you the hand of God was with her and our family during that week. A lot of worry and tears were present as we watched our mom go through hell. She never let it seem like hell to her though. Through it all she seemed like she was the toughest person there ever was, and that it wouldn't break her happy spirits. There were a few sweet moments where it was just her and I, where she told me how it really felt for her. I am so grateful for those moments. They are special to me, and a part of our ever-deepening mother/daughter relationship.

My sister-in-law snapped this photo of my mom with her granddaughters the day after she had her tumor removed. She had full-on brain surgery, and look at how beautiful she looks!  I'm so grateful to her for taking this photo of my mom. It completely embodies who she is as a person.


So, how do I feel about all of this?

Well I started with "HOLY CRAP, I'M FREAKING OUT, I'M NOT READY FOR THIS!", and then it turned into numbness, then freaking out again, then a whole bunch of positive came in. I have my small moments of worry and fear, but then the hope, faith and positivity come back. You see, I am surrounded by some of the most even-keel, positive, faithful people. Everybody that knows my mom is praying for her. My brother even jokingly said, "Mom didn't even need to have a brain surgery with how many people are praying for her." And this came from the non-religious one of the pack!

My mom is a pillar of the community in our hometown. She is a former city councilwoman, she has been entertaining the community with her singing group for over a decade, and she has worked at the high school for almost twice that long. So many people whose lives she has touched are praying for her. It's incredible! I'm so grateful to everyone who is keeping her in their prayers. I know that God is watching over her, and over us, and helping us through this crazy time as she battles this cancer. (I still can't believe that word is a real thing in our family.)

I have every hope that God will heal my mother. I have every hope that she is in the right place at the right time to get the right treatments. She is young and healthy and will be able to fight it.

I was talking to a friend today who said, "Well don't you just have all the luck. Whom the Lord loveth, he chasteneth." I started laughing. I guess it's true. He must really love me and my family to have us carry this burden among all the other ones we've had in our lives. I'm sure He loves everyone the same actually, but it sure feels like He's been asking us to carry more than our fair share of burdens at times. I try to steer away from those thoughts though... some things just happen, and you deal with them as best you can.

What's annoying though is, despite all this hope and faith, I still can't get the pit out of my stomach. It's been almost a month now, I wonder if it will just hang around until her treatments are done and she checks her MRI's? Or maybe it will just become a part of who I am?

Thank you for your prayers for our family, and for my mother. Please continue to remember her and us if you can. I appreciate it more than you'll ever know.