Goals

I hear one of the first steps to making things happen is to tell other people, so I'm writing down my list of goals for you all to read. Part of what holds me back from doing some things is fear of failure, fear of not knowing how to accomplish it, fear of chasing something that's a mistake... bottom line is what holds me back is FEAR. Some of these are minor and some of these are things that stir me to the core. Either way, I figure if I tell you, you guys can shake me up and tell to "snap out of it!" if I start forgetting that I wanted these things in my life.

This list is not organized... these are my ideas as they pop into my brain.

1. I really want to own a bike. And I want to use it often. I'd like to create a workout habit of exercising 2-3 times a week for at least an hour or two, and I'd like to do yoga 3 times a week. I'd like exercising to be as much a part of me as eating is everyday. I'd also really like all this exercising to happen early in the morning before I start my day.
   
2. I want to learn to sing. I used to have a somewhat decent voice, and when I was in choir in highschool my voice got pretty clear and I could sing pretty high. I think I was a mid-range soprano. Lately my voice just sucks I can barely hit the C just above middle C and I've turned into an Alto. But I'd love to be able to belt it out with the best of them. I also want to learn to play the piano and sing at the same time. I can do one or the other but together my hands go retarded.
   
3. I want to learn to surf, wakeboard and snowboard. All of these put the fear of life into me. I grew up skiing and tried snowboarding twice when I was 15. It was hard but I loved it, minus the 50 mph face plants I got really good at. Then for some reason I haven't made it up to the ski resorts since then. It's been 9 years! What is my problem! The surfing thing just scares me because I am not the best swimmer in town and the ocean's pull (even though I'm crazy in love with the ocean) scares me when I'm in the water. But I'm determined to learn all 3 so watch for me people, I'll be the one crashing insanely hard at the lake, the beach, or on snow.


4. I want to climb a cliff. I went to the rock climbing gym back in January and fell in love with climbing (also with the hot climbers... haha!). I need to go back again. I am definitely weak though, because I got tired so fast. I'd really like to climb a cliff (maybe a small one first) before I die. I think I'd feel powerful after, and I like that feeling.


5. I want to be the kind of mother that I have. She's never made me feel like I wasn't what she wanted in a daughter. Even when I knew I wasn't a good daughter to have because of stupid things I did and said, to her, or just in my life. The way I've seen her master some of the hardest things in life with unwaivering faith is something I can only dream of doing.


6. I want to live so that when people talk about me, they say "Lana is the most caring and giving person we know." This will probably be my hardest goal. I am a selfish person and I have a hard time teaching myself not to be.


7. My dream job would consist of world travels and simply photographing my findings. The job title actually is National Geographic Photographer. My only problem is, I suck at photography, I don't have a really good camera, and I'm studying Psychology (which I also love so it's ok.) The world has always fascinated me, and I absolutely LOVE the National Geographic photographs of all the different people that are found in this world. Since I'll probably never be hired on their staff because I may not ever try, I still would like to travel the world and take pictures of people. This leads to my next goal.


8. I've always wanted to be a humanitarian. The kind that has so much money like Oprah that all I can do with my insane amount of money is help people. When I see the commercials of the starving kids in Africa, or the kids living in the dirtiest grimiest places on earth, it breaks my heart. I have been known to cry during those commercials or infomercials or whatever they are. One time there was this little boy who was so hungry and dehydrated he couldn't cry tears. His eyes had flies on them and he was laying in the dirt waiting to die, his skin was loose and his tiny little body had turned into a skeleton except for his little belly poking out from malnourishment. The look on his face made me feel so horrible that I've never forgotten it. I wanted to take all of my money and fly over there and just hold him. I want to travel to these places and help these people. I have at times thought I had such a hard life because I have divorced parents, and have had to work my butt off just to have money for school... and then I look at these people, baking in the desert, without any water left in their bodies to make tears. It makes me sick to think about the fact that I usually only drink water from the Brita pitcher in my fridge, and there are people that would probably drink water from a toilet and think it was the best thing they've ever had because it's clear and not filled with animal poo and deadly bacteria.


9. Last but not least, (this one is still a tentative goal because of how much time and money is required), I want a PhD. I don't know why but last year I got the idea that this would be cool, even though the idea of it makes me want to cry because I'm three semesters from my Bachelor's degree and the thought of more school just makes me sick.

Well, there are some of my most important goals. I have a billion of them, but those are the ones I remember most often. So print these off and once a month check in with me and make sure I'm doing them!